Want to be the Best Bridesmaid EVER? Here's How...

Avoid Bridesmaid’s Purgatory With This Expert Guide From The Girl Who Has Done The Job 12 times!

Yes, 12 times a Bridesmaid does seem like a lot, but after doing the rounds for ALL of my girlfriends and also being a bride myself, it has truly qualified me to hand out the best of the best, all-star, proven techniques to help you avoid ending up in Bridesmaid’s purgatory, that place where naughty Bridesmaids go to suffer.

Admittedly, being a Bridesmaid can be a little stressful. Anyone who has had this special role thrust upon them in the past knows that it requires more than just turning up on the day of the wedding to stand next to your friend while she says, ‘I do’.

It Requires Patience But It Doesn’t Have To Be Torturous If You Simply Follow My Tips For Success.

Good Bridesmaids work seamlessly together to come up with great ideas, choose flowers, make sure everyone is getting along, manage the wedding budget and most of all, help to keep the bride together! A happy bride has a solid set of women behind her. There should be no spiteful or gossipy talk amongst you. It’s important to remember that being a Bridesmaid is an honour, so read on and I’ll help you to nail the job and be the best friend and confidante you can be.

Bride and her maid of honour

1. Accept the maid of honour as your leader

The maid of honour has been chosen for a reason and every great team needs someone to take on a clearly defined leader role. Your Maid Of Honour was chosen by the Bride probably because she’s closest to the Bride and she’s great at organising stuff. If you have any bright ideas, do run them by the Maid Of Honour first before blasting them out in an e-mail. This might seem a little over the top, but you’d be surprised how quickly drama can emerge if the other Bridesmaids think that you’re trying to take charge of things. We know that some people just like to be proactive, get to work, and get things done, but not everyone might see your good intentions that way. There’s an unspoken dynamic within Bridesmaids’ circles that requires the Maid of Honour to always be present during decision-making. If you and your crew respect the Maid Of Honour, everything will run much, much more smoothly.

Wedding dresses on rack

 2. Don't complain about the dress - even if it's lavender

Please, whatever you do, don’t moan about the Bridesmaids’ dresses. They’ve already been chosen and paid for. It’s the Bride’s big day and everything should be how she and the Groom want it. Including the dresses that you will wear. Just put them on and crack a big smile. If anyone asks you what you think of them, do not complain! Even to the other Bridesmaids. The last thing you want is for that gossip to get back to the bride and upset her on her wedding day. That’s not what good Bridesmaids do!  

A bridesmaid walking down the stairs

3. Never get wasted at the wedding

The last thing you want is to fall down the stairs so try to control how much you drink at the wedding. I know it’s a fun event and everyone is there to have a ball, but you’ve got duties. You wouldn’t get drunk during your day job, so why this one? You don’t want to make an embarrassment out of yourself, especially when you’re one of the ‘feature’ people of the wedding. Keep the drinking to a minimum and try to ensure the other girls keep it reasonable too. Trust us, you will regret it in the morning and the bride probably won’t be too happy if the big post-wedding story centred around her embarrassingly drunk Bridesmaid.

A bridesmaid helps her bride fix the dress

4. Be physically and emotionally present

You should be available to your Bride in person (and online) during the buildup to the wedding. But especially in those moments before she steps out to walk down the aisle. She might not need anything from you, but your full presence and emotional availability will be important to her. If she does need an ear, be there for her. Don’t be busy on the phone or talking about something related to your work or love life. A top notch Bridesmaid will there for her in every sense of the word! Unless she specifies that she wants to be alone, you should be with her at most times.

A bridesmaid's sewing kit

5. Be prepared for emergency with a spare ‘everything’

A good Bridesmaid will stock up on little things like stockings, mints, hair clips, safety pins and other little knick-knacks before the day. Your Bride might need last minute help with a variety of things, so be there and be prepared to run out and get something if you don’t already have it. A great Bridesmaid will be cool, calm and collected – she’ll be delighted to do anything she can to help her bride and she’ll do it with a wink and a smile.

Bridemaids celebrate together

6. Start saving money early

Depending on where you live, it’s customary for certain costs to fall on the Bridesmaids. In the US, Bridesmaids pay for their own dresses and for the bridal shower and party. In Australia, it varies. You could end up spending between $600-$1000 so start putting a little money away just for Bridesmaid expenses. And if you’re the Maid Of Honour make sure you’re also the communicator! Try to privately find out everyone’s budget so you don’t plan anything too out of reach for someone and embarrass them or the Bride.

The bride poses with her bridesmaids

7. Suck it up and smile

No matter what the issue is; you don’t like the venue, you don’t like the dress, you don’t like a fellow Bridesmaid or even (gasp), you’ve got a crush on one of the Groomsmen, just suck it up and smile. There’s nothing worse than a Bridesmaid who spends the day obsessing, complaining or making a big deal of things that don’t need be. This is not your party, it’s not about you. If you don’t want to add to the happiness, at least don’t detract from it. Whatever it is that’s not taking your fancy isn’t going to harm you, so suck it up and smile. One day you’ll be grateful for the experience.

Bridesmaids and their bride with a Scottish bagpipe player

8. Don’t make it about you

Whatever you do, don’t make this day about you. Don’t talk about your past wedding comparatively, or even the one you want to have. Don’t talk about anyone else’s wedding, dress or even their engagement ring for that matter. ESPECIALLY DON’T TALK ABOUT YOUR DIVORCE! On this day, act like this wedding is the only one going on in the world. And please, for heaven’s sake, if you catch wind of any nonsense like a couple wanting to propose at the wedding (and believe me – I’ve seen this happen) do anything and everything in your power to stop it.

“Other peoples’ weddings are not the place for proposals, pregnancy announcements or shenanigans.”

A calm bride rests before the big moment

9. Be kind - have patience with your bride.

Your bride may be very nervous and frazzled on her big day. Calm her nerves. Be sweet, nurturing and understanding to the best of your ability. Most of all, be patient. If she has a little hissy fit at you, let it go. You know she’s not usually like this so put it down to nerves and be the type of woman you’d want by your own side if the roles were reversed. If you are getting overwhelmed or frustrated, you can always pop outside for some quiet time or enjoy a little refreshing drink before rejoining the troop. Don’t make it look like the whole ordeal is weighing down on you, though. Nobody likes a martyr and your friend will remember your behaviour on this day for the rest of her life.

A group of happy bridesmaids

10. Let peace reign

If the other Bridesmaids are getting out of hand with gossip, complaining or they’re not getting along, have a sit down with them in private and try to resolve it quickly. There’s no time for childish behaviour during someone else’s wedding but sometimes, people need gentle reminding about their role.

Botanica Weddings Can Help!

If you follow all of these suggestions, you should have a kick-ass Bridesmaid group that’s ready to rock a great day of celebrations for your friend. But remember that you’re never alone in the journey. The Maid of Honour’s best resource is a wedding planner that’s already on top of all of her would be worries.

So if you’re looking for an expert wedding planner to help with any stage of the wedding, don’t hesitate to contact Botanica Weddings. After years of experience, we've got the ingredients to create a breathtaking wedding and we would love to help you materialise the day of your friend's dreams. We have a range of stunning venues as well as top-tier planners that are ready to take some of that stress of your shoulders. We guarantee that we’ll make the Bridesmaid process as fun and joyous as it should be.